[Deck the halls playing]
This is all so beautiful.
I just love watching
the white, Fluffy things fall from the sky.
It's called snow, Esteban.
Oh, well, it's like the heavens have dandruff.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention?
Not only are we lighting the tipton Tannenbaum,
this year, we're lighting
the whole outside of the hotel.
Right, arwin?
Ready when are, cap'n.
[Band plays o Tannenbaum]
During this special time of year, it--
is this gonna be a long speech?
I have shopping to do.
[Plays faster]
[Quickly] I hope the spirit of Christmas
in each and every one of us
burns as brightly as the lights on our tree.
Short enough?
Perfect!
[Music stops]
Ohh... ohh.. Ohh... ohh...
Ahh.. Ahh... ahh... ahh...
Wow! You must have used a million bulbs!
Buy 999,999,
get one free.
Hey, here's a bulb that's not working.
No! Cody, no!
That's the one that puts us into...
Arwin: Overload.
♪ Here I am in your life ♪
♪ here you are in mine ♪
♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪
♪ most of the time ♪
♪ you and me, we got the world to see ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ just me and you know what to do ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ it's you and me and me and you ♪
♪ we got the whole place to ourselves ♪
♪ you and me, we got it all for free ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ this is the suite life ♪
♪ we've got a suite life ♪
Mom, I know you're looking for fun in the sun,
but don't you want to come snowboarding with us and dad?
Hmm, no.
Come on, it's Christmas,
and I was kinda hoping we could all be together
like a family?
Oh, sweetie, we are a family...
On 2 vacations.
You get to spend some quality time with your father
while I get to spend some quality time with me and a book.
What are you talking about?
You're going to club desperate in the Caribbean.
That's not true!
It's in Mexico...
And it's club desperado.
I wonder what's taking dad so long.
Poor guy's probably trudging through 6 feet of snow.
[Knock on door]
Well, that's probably him.
Dad! Yo, dad!
Snowball fight!
Ow!
Uh, merry Christmas, Carey.
Ho, ho, ho.
Come here, guys!
Dad! Dad!
Happy new year!
I'm sorry, but all of our rooms are taken,
although, we do have 3 restaurants
and each one of them has 4 stars.
That's 12 stars if you eat at all 3!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Mr. moseby, have you picked a name
for the employee secret Santa yet?
No, I haven't.
Ooh, but I hope I get me
like I did last year.
Ha ha, yes.
I gave myself this lovely wristwatch.
I said to myself, "ohh, you shouldn't have!"
And then I said to myself,
"come on! You deserve it!"
And I had to agree with myself.
Well, here's hoping you get you again.
Ah, fizzle sticks!
I had my eye set on this beautiful cashmere sweater
I was gonna get myself.
I wish my family gave me presents
like you give yourself.
Do you know what they gave me last Christmas?
A flashlight,
and for my birthday,
batteries...
For my flashlight!
You know, if you get London as your secret Santa,
you are sure to get an extravagant gift. Good luck.
Luck's got nothing to do with it.
London, have you picked your secret Santa yet?
Ooh! No, I haven't! More shopping. Yay, me!
Ok.
Who'd you pick?
Can't say.
It's a secret.
Oh, by the way, do you know what your birthstone is?
A diamond.
Or an Italian sports car.
Gotcha!
Ay, yi, yi, yi, yi, yi, yi, yi, yi, yi!
Ohh!
Feeling chilly?
The snow is so deep,
my hands are frozen to the bags.
Put them under your armpits for warmth.
Ok, but it tickles.
Hee hee hee hee hee!
London.
London? Where are you going?
You're supposed to be going that way,
shopping for your secret Santa.
The snow is 10 feet deep outside.
Yes, but it's only 20 blocks from here
to your favorite jewelry store,
and you could always send someone.
[Gasps] You're right!
I have that power!
Esteban! Aah!
I need you to run an errand for me.
Oh, no, do not make me go out
into the white blanket of death,
the snow of no return.
Ohh! The blizzard that will freeze your gizzard.
Oh, toughen up. It's not that bad!
But I am not dressed for a blizzard!
Oh, come back here, you coward!
Stop thinking of yourself!
London wants to buy a gift for someone deserving,
and I mean deserving!
Esteban: Ay!
You know, if you're looking to impress someone with a gift,
try making something.
My grandmother made me this embroidered handkerchief.
It's the best gift I've ever gotten.
Ooh, that looks like a lot of work
for something you blow your nose into.
You know, a lot of celebrities
have taken up handicrafts for relaxation.
Ooh! Once my chauffer
parked in a handicraft space by mistake.
He got in big trouble.
Well, think about it.
Aah! Aah!
For God's sake! Aah! Aah!
Hi.
Uh, we're running low on heating oil
and none of the delivery trucks can get through.
Well, how long can we hold out?
Well, according to my calculations...
[Generators power down]
Now.
Arwin-- aah! Aah! Hi.
The tipton still has its original furnace, right?
Old Betsy? Sure. 12 tons of cast iron.
Then we don't need oil for her.
That furnace'll burn anything!
I know. She's just sittin' down there going,
"feed me, arwin!"
Well, then get on it!
Fire up old Betsy? Yeah!
Oh, aye, aye, cap'n.
Whoo!
Kindling! Ha ha ha!
That was lucky.
Oh, hey, Esteban,
and chance of us gettin' a taxi?
I am so sorry. Not in this weather.
The only way you can get around
is with a sleigh and 8 tiny reindeer.
Esteban, the hotel limo is sitting right outside.
See if the driver can make it to the airport--
free of charge, of course.
You'd really do that for us, Mr. moseby?
Of course.
I just want you boys
to have the best Christmas ever,
even if it means being far, far,
far away from my hotel.
Ok...Wish me luck.
Good luck. Good luck. Good luck.
[Wind howls]
I hate the snow.
It's not my fault we're snowed in,
and if the hotel had an extra room,
I would have rented it.
Well, I hope you're comfortable on the floor.
Sure. It'll be just like when we were married.
Kurt, it's Christmas.
I don't want to spend it bickering with you.
Same here.
And for the boys' sake, can we try to get along?
Works for me.
Did you see that?
Mom and dad still like each other.
What are you talking about?
It was just a friendly hug.
Yeah, but I've seen this in movies.
Friendly hugs turn into very friendly hugs,
which turn into passionate hugs.
Cody, take it from your older and wiser brother.
This whole mom and dad getting back together thing,
it would take a miracle.
Well, it is Christmas,
and Christmas was meant for miracles.
Do you remember that Christmas
when I accidentally spent more money on your gift
than you did on mine?
That was as close to a miracle
as you're ever going to get.
Well, this is one miracle that's going to happen,
even if I have to make it happen myself.
Blanket, blanket.
Ah-choo! Bless you. Tissue.
Ohh... easy, Mary. Watch your step.
We were on our way home, but the busses stopped running.
We need a room.
Oh, I'm sorry.
We don't have any rooms available,
but you're more than welcome
to stay in the lobby for as long as you need.
Ohh! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Arwin! Hi.
What is going on?
I can feel the temperature dropping again.
Ran out of stuff to burn, chief.
Newspapers or magazines, paper plates?
Whoosh!
Don't we have a storeroom
full of old furniture?
Sure, it's packed in there. It...
You mean... You mean...
Rip it up with a chainsaw
and throw it in the fire?!
Yes. Ohh!
You are a beautiful man!
This is the best Christmas ever!
♪ Joy to the world ♪
♪ let's burn some chairs... ♪
[Joy to the world plays]
...Then you hold the note for 8 bars.
What do you do while you're holding the note?
Smile at the crowd and look cool. Yeah...
Is this how you get babes?
That's how he got me.
Tell us more about that magic moment,
where your eyes first met.
Well, my eyes were trying to meet the drummer's,
but your father kept gettin' in the way.
[Knock on door]
Come in.
Oh! A picture of familial bliss
on Christmas Eve.
Oh! Oh...
Well, if only our guests could savor a moment
so warm, say, with song.
Your replacement called and said
it's impossible for her to get here through this blizzard.
I'm in Mexico.
Hasta la bye-bye.
Oh, come on, mom, do it,
and dad could play backup for you
just like old times. Huh? Huh?
Huh?
I'd be up for it--
uh, if your mom's done tanning.
Ohh, ok,
but I've gotta be back in time for my scuba lesson.
Somebody go put some goldfish in the bathtub.
Now, there's the Christmas spirit!
♪ Out of my way ♪
♪ 'tis the season... ♪
Better go change.
Yeah, and I better go learn some of your lame songs.
Same songs.
This is great.
Think they'll ask us to be best men
at their second wedding?
Would you stop?
Dad's going to play the piano,
mom's going to sing. That's it.
But I've seen this on tv.
A couple gets together at Christmas.
He plays the piano, she sings,
and they rekindle their flame of love.
You watch way too much tv.
Merry Christmas, maddie.
I'm your secret Santa.
Oh, what a surprise!
A blanket?
No, silly. It's a sweater.
With 3 arms and no neck hole?
I forgot to put one in,
but look on the bright side.
It'll keep your face warm.
But I wanted a car.
To keep... All of me warm.
I made it with my own 2 hands.
It looks like you made it with your own 2 feet.
[Gasps] I thought you'd be happy
that I put so much effort into it.
You're always accusing me of being superficial.
And you had to pick Christmas to become deep?
At least I got you something.
Oh, but--
la la la la!
♪ 'Round yon virgin ♪
♪ mother and child ♪
♪ holy infant ♪
♪ so tender and mild ♪
♪ sleep in heavenly peace ♪
Kurt and I wanna thank you all
for being here tonight.
Not that you had much of a choice.
Did you hear that?
"Kurt and I."
We also wanna wish you a Christmas
that's filled with peace, joy, and love.
Now she's talking about love!
You're pathetic.
I'm telling ya, mom and dad are gonna
get back together tonight.
Yeah, sure.
Unless he gets a date with that girl.
She reminds me of your aunt Gladys.
Dad, looking at girls is not going to help you
get back together with mom.
Whoa, where'd you get an idea like that?
When you guys were hugging and singing and laughing.
Yeah, um...
That just means we're getting along,
not getting back together.
But it's Christmas,
and I wanted us to be a family.
I'm sorry, buddy.
Ah, forget it.
About that blonde,
good choice. Bad timing.
I'm sure you'll be more comfortable
and have more privacy in our courtesy lounge.
Thank you.
♪ Saw the arms and floors and desktops ♪
♪ fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
Arwin!
What?! Not the front desk!
It's so big and wooden!
No!
Oh, the bags.
Hurry back.
Cody.
Leave me alone.
Look...
Oh, darn.
Ay! Ay-ay-ay!
I don't feel so well!
You probably ate too much.
She's pregnant, doofus.
Maybe the baby ate too much.
[Alarm rings]
Uh-oh, I think the elevator's stuck.
Uh-oh! I think my water broke!
I'm sure arwin can fix it.
No, she means the baby is coming.
How do you know all this stuff?
Because, unlike you,
I stayed awake in health class.
Ok, we're gonna need boiling water,
towels, twine, and scissors.
Let me check the elevator gift shop.
Oh, look, there isn't one!
Aah!
Ok, then I know what we should do.
What? This.
Help! Help!
So that's what I missed in health class?
Both: Help!
What could possibly give Cody the idea
we were getting back together?
The hugging, the singing, the laughing.
You know, if you hadn't come up
with that dumb idea about us not bickering,
our boy would be happy now.
[Boys shouting and pounding on the door]
Do you hear little voices and thumping from above?
It's Santa! It's Santa!
Quick! Everybody pretend like you're sleeping!
It sounds like Zack and Cody.
Oh, I know, I was just, uh,
pretending, you know, for the kids.
The elevator's stuck!
The blizzard probably froze the circuit breakers.
I'll fix 'em.
Ooh, I wanna help.
Thank you. It's outside on the roof.
Good luck.
How's Mary doing?
Can she hold on?
Cody: I'll ask her!
Mary: Aah!
That would be a "no."
Ok, just breathe.
In and out. In and out.
How's this?
Not you! Her!
Ok, short breaths. Like this.
[Takes short breaths]
Oh!
Oh, please,
one of you on the floor's enough.
What should I do now?
Catch the baby when it comes out.
So not happening.
Who is in the elevator helping my wife give birth?
2 12-year-old boys.
But they're very bright for their age.
And one of them watches a lot of medical shows.
Excellent! Arwin fixed it.
Man, I'm never having kids.
What should we do? Call an ambulance.
Oh, but the roads are still blocked.
Well, Carey, you must know what to do.
You've had a baby.
2. Even better.
I'm sorry, but I was a little too busy screaming
to take notes.
All right, all fixed. Everyone's happy.
Mary: Aah!
Ok, not quite everyone.
Let's go.
Ok, I'm gonna need towels and 2 volunteers.
Kurt, Carey, thanks for volunteering.
Isn't this weird?
Mary and Joseph traveling together...
On Christmas Eve.
But there was no room for them at the inn.
And a child is born.
What a coincidence.
I don't get it.
Kurt: Push again.
That's it, push.
Easy, that's my guitar hand.
Does somebody have some sort of blanket?
Here.
[Baby crying]
[Band plays glory to the newborn king]
Ladies and gentlemen,
may I introduce to you our newest little guest.
I haven't seen anything this beautiful
since Zack and Cody were born.
It was the best part of our marriage, wasn't it?
It made it all worthwhile.
Don't hug.
Cody'll think you're getting back together.
No, I won't.
Cody, honey?
Honey.
I know you were hoping your dad and I
would get back together,
but even if we're not getting remarried,
we're...
Still a family.
Not like them.
Yes, like them.
That baby has 2 parents that love her,
just like you guys.
I guess.
I know.
[Sobs]
I think this belongs to you.
Every time I throw it away,
it keeps coming back.
I guess the third arm acts like a boomerang.
Hey, London, what is this stitch under the third arm?
It's your name.
M-a-t-e-e. Maddie.
Oh.
To think I've been spelling it wrong all these years.
Boy, this must've taken a lot of work.
Sure did, not that you care.
Well, I should have.
And I'm sorry I didn't appreciate it earlier.
So you really like it?
Yes.
As much as a car or diamond?
Don't push it.
[Sighs]
Friends, guests, I'd just like to say--
[makes siren noise]
[Siren noise quiets down]
It may not have been the holiday we expected,
but we're all here helping each other,
and celebrating the miracle of life.
I can't think of a better place to be on Christmas
than the tipton hotel.
Mr. moseby. Oh, Mr. moseby.
The road's open, and so is the airport.
Slow down!
Whoa!
Quick, Mr. moseby! Get in the ambulance!
There's tiny little paramedics who'll take care of you!
Clear! Pfft! Pfft!